Lost: Motivation. Reward if Found.

Can you help me?

The last 3 days have been a total bust. Not having contacts has all but ruined the week with running. Excuses you say? No. I tried to work out in my glasses and it wasn't happening... especially since they're broken. I bought a new box of contacts last month and can't find it. I was trying to avoid buying some, but it looks like I have to wait until Monday morning to get a new box. Curses.

I woke up today after a solid 8 hours of sleep exhausted. This week has been rough between the running and work, not sleeping well, driving across town all the time... I was looking forward to today to clean and organize... but all I want to do is sleep.

Its like the bad habits I have pushed down are already coming back to haunt me. I've never had motivation to really clean, but I had hoped that I would have more energy than I do today. Its frustrating. I know what I should do, but all I want to do is sleep.

A co-worker said the 2nd week would be the toughest to get through and he's right. I have the desire to run, clean, etc etc etc... but not the will to get up and do it. Now, I will say, if I didn't have the glasses issue, I would be running. I actually miss it. But to focus on trying to make a dent in the insanity of my room... seems to much, and I don't know why. Yes, its overwhelming, but nothing I can't handle.

I just need to refocus myself. I keep thinking, "Oh, I'll start in an hour." The hour passes and I think the same thing again.

I can keep making excuses: I can't do laundry or take the trash out because its 99 with a heat index of 109. Valid point, yes. But still an excuse.

I can't do dishes because it'll take too much energy to run the dishwasher right now. Alas, I could still load the dishwasher.

Excuses, excuses. Lack of motivation to do anything today. Maybe a lazy day is what I need, but I don't feel good about it.

I feel guilty.

Day 143 - and I would walk 500 miles... or at least 5...

da da da da! da da da da! Everybody!!

Today was my "rest" day from running. However, I was still up at 7am mowing me Gran's lawn. For the record, according to the nifty pedometer Mum got me, I walk 2 miles mowing. I was dripping sweat when I was done. The heat has been ridiculous. 85-90 degrees by 8am? No thank you.

I then worked at Curves and ended up doing a workout there. I felt kinda drained at the beginning, but felt really good at the start of my second round.

I read everywhere that exercising should increase my energy... but honestly, half the time i feel exhausted... at least during the middle of the day. I tend to try to take a nap in the afternoon, and I don't nap well... but I can't keep my eyes open if I try to read or do something else. Maybe this is a side effect from the no more caffeine?

I did walk 10,200-odd steps today, which on average is 5 miles. Go Me! I'll take it!!

Tomorrow is treadmill running day. We'll see how that goes. I'm not a fan of treadmills, but with the heat being disgusting... I don't want to lose any training time.

Oh! Almost forgot. I've also signed up now to run the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K on September 25, 2010!! I'm going to be apart of the Slumber Parties Sisters for a Cure!! Another short goal!!

Short Goals:
Aug. 7 - (possible) Run with Trisha! ... my plan is just to keep up for a mile or 2... I'm not getting too ahead of myself. :-)
Aug 25- Start Half Marathon training schedule (aka: Day 1- Run 3 miles)
Sept 25- Race for the Cure 5K


Long Term Goal:
Dec 4. - Half Marathon: Cross finish line. :-)

Day 144 - Why is it 105 degrees at 8pm?

I was so drained last night that I didn't even have the energy to post.

Yesterday was brutal. I didn't sleep well and had to be up early to work a split shift at Sam's. FML. When I got off, I drove home and attempted to take a nap... at which I failed miserably.

After my second shift, I was looking forward to a run to clear my head and hopefully make me feel better so I could sleep.

When I got to the nature center, I checked the weather... 105 degrees at 8pm. Do whaaaaat?!?

I started my sets and was doing really well. I felt phenomenal at the end of my 2nd run set. However... by the end of the third run set (about 9min into the 30min program), I was done. Exhausted. The heat and humidity were unbearable. It was worse than the first 2 times I ran at 3 in the afternoon. I ended up walking the rest of the sets. I just couldn't run anymore.

I was even planning on doing yoga last night, but by the time I drove across town to get home... I could hardly walk up the stairs to my apartment. The heat was excruciating.

So Wednesday is a rest day, now. If the heat keeps up, I'm going to run on the treadmill at the complex gym. I have to work at 8am Thurs/Fri and the heat is already insane at 7am.

Thanks Mother Nature... can I suggest some non-insane temperatures for a while? KThnx.

Day 145- Its not a hill, its a mountain as you start out the climb...

I woke up today feeling absolutely awful. Its like my stomach was punishing me for everything I've been doing the past 4 days. I ended up sleeping in until I had to go to work. I wanted to go on a run today, but wasn't sure I would be able to stomach it... literally.

I found myself getting excited during my shift to go for a run. I never thought that I would be looking forward to running in such a short time. I got off work and went over to the nature center by work... figured a change of scene and terrain would be good.

It was definitely a milestone day! I ran all 9 sets!!! I am/was so proud of myself!!! I had to pause during my walking sets to stretch my calves (which are still giving me some issues), but it was more manageable today.

I'm so glad I made a great running mix! There were a few times that I was starting to feel it... and wasn't sure I could go on. There was one point when I was getting ready to start a run set and I look up... and its a hill. I felt for a second that my legs were turning to jelly. All of a sudden, my mix starting playing a U2 song called "I Know I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight." Its a live version and I found myself singing along... and it helped motivate me. The chorus of the song was incredibly motivating especially as I approached that hill:

It's not a hill, it's a mountain
As you start out the climb
Do you believe me or are you doubting
We're gonna make it all the way to the light
But I know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight!

That motivated me up and over that hill. What I am doing is a huge challenge, but I know I'm going to get through it and succeed. My goal is to cross that finish line... I will make it all the way to the light!!

I got home and did a new yoga program that I got streamed live to my xbox. At the beginning, it was slightly painful to sit cross legged, but by the end of the 45 minutes, I felt relaxed and was able to sit fine. Its a great program and I'm excited to do it every night and see how my flexibility improves!! The teacher was very soothing and I felt/feel very relaxed.

I run Tues-Thurs, then Friday is my rest day. I will be doing my Dancing with the Stars Latin Cardio. I'm wicked excited to cha-cha-cha with Maxim!! Yum Yum!!

The Divine Light in me honors the Divine Light in you. Namaste!

Day 147 - Support from Mum... and Beyonce.

Today, somehow, I convinced Mum to come run with me today. Again, I made the mistake of running at 2:30 in the afternoon. You'd think I would've learned for the other day not to run in the middle of the afternoon... but noooo. Having Mum there was really awesome. She doesn't normally run (knee issues), but having her there was definitely a plus... and she's an phenomenal motivator.

Today was a little more difficult than Thursday. My calves started to feel numb, like I wasn't getting any circulation. It didn't "hurt" necessarily, but made life in general uncomfortable. If I stopped running and slowed down to march in place, the numbness went away. Mum suggested I drink more water, especially if I plan to keep running in the afternoon (which I don't). The good thing is that my calves are the only thing that is really bothering me while running. Yes, I'm winded... but its manageable. The numbness is really whats annoying. So I'll start with some deep calf stretches to loosen up and drink more water.

I did figure out how to work my C25K app with my Nike+. It was great having C25K pinging the pace change with Nike keeping track of the mileage. 2.5 mile walk/run today!! I still missed about 2 (maybe 3) of the run cycles, but my calves were really causing problems. Its only day 2... I'm still proud of myself.

I am on day 3 without soda... which hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. The real test is Monday when I go back to work and soda machines are readily available. I'm planning on getting an ice tea maker and brewing a gallon of tea to take with me... and least then I won't be tempted to drink soda. I like tea better anyway.

Tomorrow I'm going to incorporate some morning yoga into my routine to help stretch my muscles and help me relax... get some deep breathing going. Then its off for another run!!

I did make an awesome Running Mix for my iPod... so running is a little more fun. I knew I was feeling good when Mum and I were doing our cool down and I was still able to start dancing to some of Beyonce's "Single Ladies!" Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!!!!

Day 149 - Baby Steps

Yesterday was the first day of my Phase 1: Get off the Couch training schedule. I downloaded the Couch to 5K (C25K) app for my iPhone and decided to give it a whirl.

First workout consists of a 5min warmup, 20min of walk/jogging, 5min cool down. I had some issues with the app working the way I expected it to. Its supposed to ping when I'm to start walking/running (60sec jog followed by 90s walk and so on and so forth), but if my screen locked, it didn't ping. So instead of jogging the first 60s, I missed it completely and kept walking. When I realized this, I just kept my phone in my hand, which was slightly annoying, but doable.

I was doing well.... my calves and shins starting hurting about 10min in, like they were saying "What the hell is this?!?!?" Probably didn't help that I did my Curves workout about 3 hours beforehand either. I pushed through though and continued the jog. I made the mistake of waiting until about 3pm to do this, so it felt as though I was running through the rain forest at the zoo. Bleh... I hate humidity.

I was feeling it by the time I got to run 8/8, and I just couldn't do it anymore. The ping came with the voice telling me to run... and not even thinking, I just said "Oh, F-off" (but not so politely). Turns out there was a family behind me. I felt pretty bad, but the dad just smiled and asked "running program? Way to go and good luck." That really felt good. But not good enough to start jogging. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So I finished the walk cooldown, went back to Curves to stretch and headed home.

Day 1 wasn't bad. I've realized that this is doable. I walk/jogged 1.5 miles in about 30 minutes. I know it may to be not too exciting to others, but I'm starting small right now... baby steps, baby steps.

I never realized how shocking or unbelievable this decision is. I joke that I lost a bit of sanity when I made the decision, but some peoples reactions have left me... if not doubting... then DEFIANT!! Who are you to look at me at say "Ok... well... we'll see... good luck." Would you be more supportive if I was 70lbs lighter? Would it seem more possible in your eyes to complete this if I was already very active? I'm not doing this for your approval... I'm doing this for ME! To discover something about myself, to change a part of me, to become a better version of myself.

To quote Noxeema Jackson (Wesley Snipes) in "To Wong Foo... Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" ... APPROVAL IS NEITHER DESIRED NOR REQUIRED!!!

but I will take your acceptance.

Day 150 - Decisions

Today I made probably the second craziest decision in my life (the first being to pack up my entire life and move to Boston on a whim...):

to run the St. Jude Memphis Half Marathon on December 4, 2010.

What makes this a such a crazy decision? I don't run... unless I'm being chased.

I used to run. For a few years in high school I ran a couple miles a day. I LOVED it. But the college happened and between classes, parties and general hanging out, I stopped running. Ever since, I have come up with every single excuse as to why I don't run anymore. I'm too busy, too out of shape, too heavy, too tired, too sick... the list keeps going and going. That was 7 years and I don't even want to mention how many pounds ago.

I turned 27 this year, and it was a rude awakening. I am nowhere I thought I would be at 27... not anywhere close. I left school with about a semester, maybe 2, left to make a change in my life. I moved 1500 miles across the US from Memphis to Boston. I loved my time in Boston, but I ended up moving home a year later. Since then I have been living in Wichita, working at the same place for 3 years.

I have gotten stuck. Stuck in the monotony of life, work, bills, debt and obligations. On days off, I just want to sit on my couch and watch a film, read a book or play a video game. I should clean my apartment, work out, do laundry, work on my photography... I can list 14 dozen other things I SHOULD be doing with my time... but I never want to.

So I decided today that I would attempt to un-stick myself by going from a movie watching, video game playing slacker to a half marathon runner by December 4, 2010... from naught to 13.1 miles in 150 days. My goal: to not only complete the half-marathon in the time allotted, but by completing this, find some part of the person I used to be...

On the advice of two high school mates (one who has completed the IronMan... Trish, you are a goddess), I have downloaded Hal Higdon's half marathon training schedule, which is a 12 weeks program. Day 1 is "Run 3 miles." Riiiiight. So I'm starting small. I have 6 weeks to get to Day 1 of Hal Higdon's training schedule.

Tomorrow starts Training: Phase 1.


Let's hope I don't die or something... death is good to avoid.